


Outsider No More

by supermel_returns



Series: VMB IV [2]
Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Adult Content, Canon-Typical Violence, Ending TBD, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, I have no shame, I've already changed the smut tag lmao, Light Angst, Near Death Experiences, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Canon, Recreational Drug Use, References to Depression, Romance, Shameless Smut, Spoilers, The Star Ending (Cyberpunk 2077), and updated the rating, be warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:54:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29029026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supermel_returns/pseuds/supermel_returns
Summary: *Contains End Game Spoilers*After years of endless battles, between his past as an ex-corpo, to fighting in the war, to what he hoped would be his final fight to save himself from the Relic with Panam and the Aldecaldos, V felt he could finally have some semblance of peace as he escaped further into the desert with his new family. He held hope that they could find an alternative solution to the ever-ticking doomsday clock of his decaying body somewhere in the NUSA that wasn't the "City of Dreams".Yet, just like an addiction he couldn't shake, V knew he wasn't done with Night City - and it wasn't done with him. But at what cost?
Relationships: Panam Palmer/Male V, Panam Palmer/V
Series: VMB IV [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2194701
Comments: 53
Kudos: 104





	1. Moonshine

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! Thanks for checking out this lil (lol who am I kidding it isn't little) story I've had stewing in my head for a few weeks now since beating Cyberpunk for the first time. I was so happy with The Star ending (leaving NC with my bae Panam got me in my feels) and immediately had 349383 ideas I wanted to execute for a post-game story. This was the one that ended up winning! Bear in mind, this is the first fic I've written in god knows how long... real life sux lemme tell ya. But, I feel good about the direction of this story and I am excited to see where it takes me! 
> 
> This first chapter acts as an intro to the story - setting up the scene and the main characters. Next chapter will delve much more into the meat of where I see the story going.
> 
> Enjoy~

**October 16, 2077 // 11:39pm // Somewhere in the Mojave Desert**

* * *

There was not a cloud in sight in the dazzling night sky; the vibrance of a nearly full moon acted as the perfect natural light for the Aldecaldo’s path through the desert. Though because of the time and the quick chill that had set in after sundown, the group decided it was best to call it for the night and make camp a few hours back. Now, the only light that marred the natural glow was the warm, orange glow of a fire simmering on the edge of the impromptu camp.

It had been a few weeks since the events at Arasaka Tower took place, and after being on the road for about a week, the clan was now nearly at their destination of Tucson, Arizona. They soon would be with another faction of Aldecaldo’s, a major hub in fact, with enough connections across the NUSA that Panam hoped would be the ticket to finding a way to save V. While the clan avoided stopping as much as it could, it was unavoidable in the harsh desert. Whenever they did stop, some of them stayed in camp to fix and tune up the vehicles that had been traveling for hours on end for days while others went to look for jobs from locals and trade. Often, V insisted on being the only one to do any dangerous jobs while the others could focus on their tasks, which irked Panam to no end, especially due to the fact that she had no way to refute that claim. No one else – aside from Mitch and the other vets – was nearly as adept with fighting as V. What made it even worse was the fact that she couldn’t even join him to make sure he kept his damn head on because she had her responsibility to the clan as their leader.

Oh, if only she could have seen where she was going to end up just five months ago. She would’ve had a good belly laugh, told the person they were fucking crazy, and continued to drink herself to sleep in the cab of her Thorton somewhere in Rancho. 

Yeah, Panam did not miss that life. All she ever felt after leaving the Aldecaldo’s was lost, purposeless, turbulent (more than usual). Like she had something to prove, but never really knew who she was trying to fool more, herself or the clan. V always talked about how he didn’t know where he would be without Panam, but really, she didn’t know where  _ she  _ would be without V. She knew she certainly would not be the leader of her once estranged clan, that’s for sure. 

She still couldn’t comprehend how he became so important to her in such a short amount of time. The intensity of it all nearly scared her away from it – him – entirely and thank fuck that he was just as stubborn as she was. Add to that the fact that he could be so romantic at times that it made her roll her eyes, but she could not deny how much she loved it.

Thinking about her stubborn input, she looked next to her and saw him laugh jovially at something Cassidy said across the fire. Most likely something dirty knowing Cass and the kind of laugh he was getting from the whole crowd. Panam smirked and shook her head. This is where she belonged – where they  _ both  _ belonged.

V must have noticed Panam’s gaze on him because his attention soon shifted to her, a smile still radiant on his face. Her heart skipped a beat in her chest at the sight and she nearly lost her ability to breathe. His hand that had been comfortably placed on her knee gave it a gentle squeeze at his smile twisted into a smirk.

“Checkin’ me out?” 

“Fuck off,” Panam laughed, rolling her eyes. 

“Well, s’that or you’re just hypnotized by my devilishly good looks,” V quipped back. That earned him a playful shove.

“You know I can’t argue on that point.” She didn’t hate to admit at all that she was wildly attracted to V. She still had vivid memories of how hard it was to constantly deny herself and act nonchalant about his flirting, his fleeting (and not so fleeting) touches, and the swirl of emotions present behind his gaze when he looked at her. Panam thanked the stars every day that he not only had a good heart, but fuck, a handsome face and attractive body too. The small, tiny voice inside of her constantly was giving herself a mental high five that she got so lucky to have that man holding onto her heart.

She pulled herself out of her mild stupor before she got herself too worked up over V and cleared her throat a little before she continued, “But no, just in my thoughts. I’m just… happy. I feel so lucky that we are all here together as a family and that I have you,” Panam said softly, leaning to rest her head on V’s shoulder. He gently laid his own head on top of hers and shifted so his right arm hugged her. She felt at peace in that moment, in V’s embrace, with the sounds of happiness coming from all around them, knowing this is how their life would be soon every day.

But naturally, life couldn’t be perfect. V abruptly lifted his head and took his left hand to his mouth; while it wasn’t audible, Panam could feel the coughs racking his body. Guilt and concern bubbled up beneath the surface, but she didn’t let it come out. She had to be strong for him, but she also was smacking herself internally for letting herself get so comfortable as to forget the glaring issue ahead of them: V’s mortality. While she put up the façade well for her input, there would be nights that she would cry in his arms while he was asleep, worrying about the fact he could just not wake up one day. Not that she would  _ ever  _ let V know about her weak moments; she was barely able to come to terms with them herself.

Panam came to rest her palm on his chest over his heart and the other hand to gently run her fingers through V’s ever growing shaggy hair; gone was the razor-sharp cut tapered fade that he used to sport. He had stopped coughing by now but was still breathing a bit weakly and his heart was thudding wildly underneath her palm. She couldn’t see blood on his hands, but then again, he had become a pro at hiding it…  _ even from me _ , she thought bitterly. 

She didn’t know how clear she could make it that she was there for him, no matter what, and that they were in the fight together. Even if she would never admit it to him, or even herself, she could see how much of his pain remained hidden from her. Every flinch, every grimace, every rub of his head that he tried to downplay, Panam knew. What she wanted to know now was how much longer was he going to keep hiding from her and continue not confiding in her. Despite joining the Aldecaldo’s and becoming a part of the family, she got this sense that V still didn’t feel the family love and likely felt out of place. She thought that he would be able to relax, forget his previous trauma and blossom outside of the cesspool that was Night City once they left. So far, it seems like every chance he finally got to relax, he got an ugly reminder of his impending death. 

She gritted her teeth at the thought,  _ Not on my watch… _

Panam didn’t want to admit how much his reservation hurt her, but she couldn’t ignore the twinges of hurt she felt when he kept parts of himself closed off. It was ironic, really. V had been the one who was so open with his love since the beginning and Panam, more reserved, closed off. In a way he still was, but it was now apparent that just like how she used anger – anything – to hide her feelings, he used charm and physical affection. 

The thought didn’t linger long because next she knew, most of the folks around the fire started to get up and announce their departure for bed. Panam hadn’t even realized how late it had gotten; she didn’t feel tired at all. She said her goodbyes to everyone, V too once he was able to catch enough of a breath (everyone knew but they say nothing), but the pair lingered at the fire. Since his latest coughing fit had calmed, she noticed he had become introspective. His good mood from before was gone and he was retreating – she could feel it – but she would be damned if she kept letting it happen.

Some time passed, neither of them sure of how long, where the pair sat in a comfortable enough silence but no longer touching like they had been. Not since V’s latest malfunction. The way V sat with his legs crossed, shoulders hunched and elbows resting on his knees, screamed insecurity. Panam wanted to scream out into the night for him to open to her about something – anything – to feel like she slowly wasn’t losing her grip on him. 

Panam knew if he was anywhere as stubborn as she was, she couldn’t keep letting this slide without saying something.

She placed a gloved hand on his forearm. “Talk to me, V.” She did her best to disguise the plea in her voice, but it snuck out despite her best efforts. He only offered a small shrug in return.

“About what?” His feigned innocence did more to piss her off than quell the issue.

“About  _ what?  _ You’re kidding me, right?” She asked, her tone incredulous, “V, I thought we had agreed that we are in this together. I can tell you’re hiding shit from me, and then you trying to beat around the bush about it really pisses me off. How am I to support you when you don’t even confide in me?” Her tone wavered momentarily at that, but her spitfire came right back, “But you’ll confide in Mitch, Carole, even Jessie?” She didn’t mean for the last part of it to come out so venomous… or did she? 

Panam wasn’t an asshole – she of all people understood the need to vent and talk to others that aren’t your romantic partner. It was healthy and to be expected. She wouldn’t admit it, but she was more hurt by him confiding in Jessie, the resident nurse, than the others because she saw how Jessie looked at him. It wasn’t exactly a secret that her and V were together; hell, the entire clan thought the two were a pair before she had even bucked up and admitted her feelings. Sure, she respected doctor-patient confidentiality - the doc needed to know all that business - but it still felt like betrayal that she was prone to parts of V’s life and feelings that Panam wasn’t. All she knew was seeing them together created the nasty taste of envy in her mouth, which was both unwelcome and unfamiliar to the usually infallible woman.

For as stubborn and bullheaded V could be, he was very intuitive and read people very well. That’s why Panam never stood a chance in hiding her feelings from him not all that long ago. There were many conversations the pair still needed to have, many including his “condition”, but the timing never seemed right nor did they ever seem to have just  _ time  _ at all. Especially not since Mikoshi.

He read the tone in her voice and was quick to pick up his head, moving so that green and blue eyes could meet caramel eyes. This clearly was not a normal Panam rant and he could feel it. His heart twinged painfully in his chest at the broken look she had on her face, and guilt for being the one to cause such feelings from his output.

He knew he had to fix it somehow.

“Panam… I…” He scratched his head nervously, unsure of what to say and not fuck anything up. It was true: he was avoiding telling her the full truth and extent of his pain. But what he hadn’t intended was her finding out he was going through other people other than Panam to seek help for his disaster situation. Hell, he had even hoped the doctor, Jessie, would be able to help. She didn’t prove to be much help physically, could only dull the pain really, but he felt comforted to know he was at least trying everything he could possible. 

“Well?” V flinched at the sound of Panam snapping next to him. He knew she was only on edge to hide from her feelings – that was his Panam, after all. Fight before flight. But, damn, he was really making a mess of this real quick it seemed. Where was his silver tongue when it mattered most?

_ You left it with me in Mikoshi, fuck brain. Couldn’t let ya keep all the good shit you stole all willy nilly, could I?  _

That voice. He hadn’t heard its whispers in the whole month that had elapsed since splitting from Johnny. Why was he here now… why were those whispers taunting him again? Just knowing that smug son of a bitch wouldn’t be standing in the distance when he looked up made him feel hollow all over again – just like after Mikoshi.

The longer it took for him to gather his words, the longer he could feel the cocktail of emotions radiating off the woman sitting next to him. She was sitting up, stiff as a board, and had her arms crossed defensively across her chest. The look in her eyes told him  _ “Speak now or never”.  _

“This whole thing… my head, Arasaka, the clan… it didn’t really sink in for a while. The more I settle and the more the adrenaline wears off…” He stopped himself to look at his hands, examining his cybernetic scarring, “the harder it’s been getting to actually face the music. It was easy t’be in denial before cuz I was  _ go go go _ , even with the malfunctions. Now, s’all too easy to get trapped in my damn head. Whatever’s left of it that is…”

“V, don’t-”

“I know what you’re gonna say, Pan. You’ve already done so much for me and I couldn’t be more grateful,” he interjected, not letting his output step in, “but I also see how it is affecting you too. As much as we’re tryna take care of me, I also wanna take care of you. That’s why you’ve seen me talkin’ to the others more lately... was hopin’ they knew of some lead we could follow or ways that I could possibly live easier with the pain.” He saw a look of guilt flash across Panam’s eyes. She looked down at where she was holding his forearm and gave it a squeeze. Knowing her, she was feeling inferior because he couldn’t solely rely on her for help. His heart swelled with pride knowing that she was his and he was hers, and she has proven that she would cross the Earth and back for him. God, his woman was a goddess, and she didn’t even seem to know it.

_ Does she make it all worth it? _ That voice again. He barely paid any mind to it; there was no question – she made everything worth it.

“I understand, V. I think. As much as I can understand, at least. I want to be selfish and keep you all to myself, even if it means I also am the only one helping you. It sounds insane because, God, they’re my fucking family after all – why shouldn’t I want them to help you?” The last part clearly was a rhetorical question to herself, so V knew he better not answer. “It’s just… some days I feel like you are holding up a wall to try and keep me safe, but it is way too late for that. Probably was too late that night in the sandstorm after saving Saul. But I hope you know that wall won’t last forever with me pounding at it. You can lean on me, trust me. I know you’re strong, independent, all that bullshit-” she emphasized with a wild wave of her arms, “-but you’re fallible like the rest of us. Let me be there to support you. I was not kidding when I said I am with you through thick and thin. Just promise me this one thing, V. Please. I… can’t lose you too.” The last part she spoke nearly came out in a whisper. V could hear the swell of emotions in her voice and all the unvoiced, but very intense feelings between them were threatening to burst at any moment. His heart also panged at the thought of his fallen compatriots that so selflessly risked and gave their lives for his plight, knowing that was exactly who Panam was referencing.

There was no answer he could truly give to her that would calm the storm of emotions; after all, V couldn’t even believe himself when he said he would make it through this. But he would try for Panam. So, he offered her a small nod as an answer, which she seemed to accept for the time being.

Both knew there would be another time and place to finish that conversation.

The couple fell into another comfortable silence as they watched the flames of fire slowly dwindle and listened to it  _ crackle, snap, sizzle, pop _ . The other ambient sounds of the desert – cicadas, birds, tumbleweeds – were quietly accenting the chorus of the fire around them. Nature’s sleep machine, V had once joked.

At some point, as the chill of the mid-October evening continued to worsen, V had gone to grab a blanket for them just in case. It now laid across both of their laps to help keep them warm. The fire didn’t hold much heat anymore as the pair let it slowly burn into embers. With how late it was, there was no point in tending to it anyways.

In his head, he kept going back to what she had said about him keeping his feelings behind a wall. It was a force he was all too familiar with – he built it himself, after all. Over the years, many forces came along to chip it, crack it, tear it down, change it, yet it remained impenetrable. 

_ Until Panam. Leave it to a headstrong nomad to bring it crashing down like she did that tunnel heading to ‘Saka Tower,  _ he mused to himself. He could feel himself resist it sometimes still, but even when he didn’t want to, she always made it feel natural and easy to crack the carefully crafted armor around his heart.

“V? Can I ask you something else?” 

Panam’s question broke the silence, startling V a bit; it made him wonder how long it had been since either one of them had spoken. He turned to look at her and caught her gaze looking down at the sandy dirt. Her classic twitches of nervousness started - digging her boot in the dirt, jiggling her leg, fiddling with her gloves. V watched the expression on her face switch to reflect pensiveness. He could sense something else was on her mind; the more they were together, the less she was able to keep up her famous poker face around him. If it was a joking mood, he would say he could’ve seen the steam rising from her ears.   
  
“Pan...?” His voice seemed to break her out of her reverie. Their eyes found each other again, and with that, Panam took a deep breath.   
  
“I know it’s not something we have ever... fuck how do I even ask this...” Panam rambled. She broke eye contact again and put her hand to her forehead as if to ease her inner thoughts.    
  
He placed a gentle but firm hand on her shoulder, once again bringing her out of her thoughts. The way she tensed under his touch told him she was expecting a reaction that would cause her to go on the defense. When no response came, she looked up briefly at him to see a soft smile on his face and immediately relaxed her posture.   
  
“I’m sorry if this comes off weird or insensitive, but I feel like as your...” Panam pauses as if she is contemplating her word choice heavily, “uh... output... it is an appropriate question- “   
  
“Cat got your tongue?” V teased quietly. This earned him a thwack on the shoulder. “Ouch!” He exclaimed, Panam shooting him a glare that carried absolutely no malice.   
  
“Don’t interrupt me,” She grumbled followed by a quick sigh before she spits out, “Have you always been ‘V’? Or... were you born with a different name?” She asked while trying her hardest not to let her nerves spill out into her question. While she was in the spirit of being open and accepting all of these ~mushy~ feelings V forced out of her, Panam still was getting used to this softer and more emotional side of herself - and often it was not easy still.   
  
The question made V’s gentle smile falter; now it was his turn to brood and turn pensive. He could feel the familiar feelings of wanting to run, escape, protect himself, anything, coming to head in response to the question. After their previous conversation, he willed himself to keep his defenses from going on high alert and protect him from the memories.   
  
Thanks to sheer will and stubbornness, nothing regarding his past life had crossed his mind in over 10 years. Hell, there were times V had forgotten he had any other name than his current moniker. Even after so long, hearing it and thinking about it again unleashed memories and feelings that were long forgotten about. Truth be told, he had only ever buried the memories and pain of his old life, as well as his birth name, but never truly came to terms with what happened.    
  
V could feel Panam’s warm caramel eyes staring holes into the side of his face. Since she had asked her question, without realizing it, his body had shifted its position and he was now laying on his back in the dirt instead of sitting with his legs crossed. The starry night above him was still something he wasn’t sure he would truly get used to. As a kid who grew up under the corpo thumb, always moving from city to city, he had never really looked at the night sky until Panam showed him the night they intercepted the Basilisk. All he ever saw was the glaring glow of neon advertisements and city lights. In a way, looking into the vast abyss of the night sky was helping to quell some of the formidable feelings of his past.    
  
“We don’t have to talk about it, V, I’m sorry I-”   
  
“No, it’s... okay,” V stopped Panam by gently grabbing one of the hands that currently had a death grip on her thigh. It immediately relaxed under his touch and she slowly threaded her fingers with V’s. Her eyebrows were still furrowed, although she tried to hide it. 

She slowly lowered herself to the ground to mimic V’s position. Warmth blossomed from deep inside her belly when she felt V move their clasped hands up to his mouth, giving the back of her hand a soft kiss. A blush raged across Panam’s cheeks and she thanked the very stars she was looking at that he couldn’t see her reaction; she wasn’t sure she would ever live it down.

“So, it is not an easy subject then.” It was a statement more than a question. 

V nodded, “You could say that. I know I’ve mentioned it vaguely before, but I come from a line of corpocunts dating all the way back to my great grandfather. No matter what, the family stayed within the corporation, mostly Militech. My folks both worked for Militech and that’s how they met. Well, t’keep the ‘family pure’, my father carried on the tradition of passing down the family name. My dad had been the 3rd to take the name, so when I was born, I became the 4th. The same went for any first born boy in our extended family.” Panam was silent at his side as he told his story, but showed she was actively listening, “Well, I ended up being the only boy out of 7 girls in my extended family on my dad’s side. My dad, on the other hand, had three brothers. So, lo and behold the luck of being the only boy in the next generation.”

“Let me guess: you were the golden boy with the expectations to carry on the whole family legacy?” Panam asked as her eyes rolled.

_ Legacy…  _ the word twisted in his mind and created a sour taste in his mouth. “Basically, yeah. I’m sure those bastards would be rolling over in their graves if they could see how far from that I’ve ended up. Though it’s ironic that we did attack Militech’s biggest rival.” V chuckled a bit at the thought. It didn’t linger long before stomach lurched temporarily in a last-ditch effort to protect its owner from the impending trauma of his childhood. He knew he had to do this for both himself and Panam.

“My... it...” his tongue threatened to stop working, but he managed to force out: “Vincent. My given name was Vincent.” His voice was smaller than before. As expected, uttering the name out loud after so many years caused the dam to break in V’s head.

The memories flooded his head with no warning. He had to physically brace himself and stop a glitch from happening again through sheer will. His vision was blurring, his throat went dry, and his lungs threatened to seize. It hurt like hell, but not like the forgotten traumas he tried so hard to bury. 

_ “You worthless pile of trash. What a waste of space and my name.” _ His father.  _ “Should’ve let you fall out of that AV.” _

_ “I can’t believe you still haven’t found a girlfriend. Are you sure you’re not a fag?” _ Every corpocunt’s kid he ever grew up with.

_ “Please stop being so hard on him...”  _ The only shining light of his childhood – his mother.

_ “That thing you gave birth to is not my son. I can’t stand him anymore. It’s either him or me.” _

Unbeknownst to V, while his memories had him lost in pain and in a trance, Panam sat up next to him. Her eyes were trained on him in worry as he once again grew silent in thought, head still being cradled. She couldn’t blame him - he had already said it was a difficult subject. It was easy to recognize the fact that most people have demons in their pasts, and this clearly unleashed some of his worst. 

She watched as various emotions presented themselves across his face: hurt, anger, loneliness, but most prominent of all, anguish. She couldn’t help but feel guilty for pushing him to this extent, but she also knew V and that he would never do anything he wasn’t explicitly comfortable with. At the same time, part of her was also glad to chink further away at the hardened armor he had, in a way, quite literally built up since his youth. 

“The name Vincent died... was when I flatlined my father about ten years ago,” V said, the last part coming out at barely a whisper. If Panam wasn’t caught off guard before, she certainly was now. All V had ever told her of his childhood was of growing up under the intense scrutiny of his corpo parents, and that he left that life at sixteen to find something - anything - better. She did not expect that curveball...    
  
“You what?!” She almost regretted the knee-jerk reaction, but seeing the understanding look on V’s face told her he was expecting it.   
  
“S’not my proudest moment, I admit. But I don’t regret it.” The tone of ire and disdain was clear in his voice. Panam could sense his unresolved emotions. “The bastard woulda killed me and my ma if I didn’t. I’d just gotten back from working a long shift in some backass Militech warehouse. I could smell the stench of drugs before I even walked in the door; I knew he would be high and dangerous. He... he was ranting on about legacy that night. Glory. The mark his name will leave behind in the world.”    
  
The thought and mention of legacy and glory made V grimace. It wasn’t all that long ago that the same thoughts went through his head prior to the Konpeki heist. A large part of him was disgusted by the fact that he could’ve ended up on the same track as his abusive, poor excuse for a father. Stuck as another corpo pawn. Yet, despite everything, despite all the wrong cards being pulled, the deck was finally drawn in his favor: he was no longer being stifled by the life he left behind in Night City. No longer felt like he was drowning beneath the weight of his failed past life.

The more V spoke, the more he couldn’t help the emotional outpour. The more he spoke, the more he realized how good it felt to unleash his worst memories from the haphazard mental grave he kept them in. He never realized truly how much weight they carried on his psyche. It also gave him perspective behind the fact that he truly was a gonk for not trusting Panam with all of this sooner. He had never felt safer than he did in that moment, baring his soul and unhealed trauma to his lover. There was no doubt in his mind she would never betray his trust with this information. He wasn’t sure he would’ve ever been able to be open with anyone in his life after his teen years except for her. Even Jackie hadn’t been told the full story.

Over the years, the memories now only ever came out in nightmares; they were especially common when the Relic was still plaguing his every waking moment. The few times Panam had been able to catch time to see him in the city before everything went down at Mikoshi, he saw it in her eyes every morning: the very carefully veiled concern. If he couldn’t read her so well, the look would’ve been imperceptible to any other person. V knew she heard things he had muttered in his sleep; how can you not when the best way to describe the way they slept together was like a human pretzel? 

Yet, Panam never said anything – never wanted him to know that she saw  _ everything.  _

V continued after taking in a breath. “He saw me walk in the door and homed in on his next target. Shoved me directly into the wall next to the door. He had been smoking a cig, which soon ended up being extinguished on my neck.” V felt himself unconsciously touch the area of the neck he had been burned. “Asked me why I had come home so late. I avoided answering and I tried to resign to his anger, go‘n’hide in my room, but somethin’ was different ‘bout that night. He pressed his forearm against my throat and proceeded to accuse me of ruining the family’s legacy by bein’ a fag – fuck I hate that word,” V gritted out, his face contorting into a scowl. Disgust bubbled up in his throat like bile as stronger memories of the strong homophobia that came from his childhood began to seep out. 

Panam had known for a while about V’s sexual preferences and it didn’t bother her one bit - why would it? Yet, as her input continued his story, it became very obvious he wasn’t always as comfortable with himself as he was in present times. She couldn’t imagine the difficulty of feeling like you had to hide a part of yourself in order to protect yourself from harm. It disgusted her that people could make someone feel that way, especially their own kin.

_ You know better than anyone that blood doesn't make family,  _ she gently chided herself. 

“Truth be told,” V continued, “I did come home late after my shift because I’d been seein’ a guy that I went to school with and the only private time we could ever squeeze in was after work. It turned out that his dad was snoopin’ through his shit and saw our messages, and also ended up telling my dad.” He couldn’t help but shake his head and stare where their hands were intertwined. “For a moment, I was real worried he would actually crush my windpipe and not realize it cuz of how fucked up he was. But, someone was looking out for me that night whether I wanted it or not… next thing I knew, my ma had come up on my dad with a knife and lunged. She was inexperienced with a knife, though, so it caught him off guard more than hurt him, but it did allow me time to catch my breath.”

When he thought about what was coming next in his story, it almost made V stop telling it entirely. The sharp pain of the memory made it feel like it had just happened yesterday. 

“It all happened so fast after that… I’m still not really sure what happened when… b-but I saw red as soon as I saw him turn and go to choke her… next thing I remember, I had the same bloody knife my ma used in my hand… and the knife is going into his neck…”

* * *

_ “Vincent! What did you DO?!” The horrified sob that erupted from his mother. A 16-year-old V broke out of his berserk trance and looked at what he just did: his father was limp on the ground, dead and bleeding profusely from the knife that was still lodged in his neck.  _

_ V tried to form words, but his mouth kept moving uselessly. What  _ did _ he just do? What would happen to him now? _

_ “He… he would have killed you, ma-“ _

_ “I can take care of myself, Vincent! I am a grown woman, not a child, unlike you. How…” Any anger she may have held dissipated as the consequences of the situation sat on her shoulders. V watched helplessly as his mother sank to the ground. His hands were shaking uncontrollably at his sides and were covered in blood.  _

_ For as scared as he was for the future for himself and his mother, he couldn’t come to regret seeing the lights dim for good out of that bastard. But now, as his mother cried over the corpse of her dead husband, hearing the name they both shared on her lips made his stomach churn. Why did he have to bear the curse of carrying around the dumb fucking legacy of his abusive father?  _

_ That night, he had made the decision that to protect his mother, he would need to leave. He would shed his old life like a snake sheds its skin. No one would pay for his mistakes. While his mother was busy tending and covering up his father’s untimely “accident”, V packed his bag with only essentials, left a note telling her that he was off to find a new life - and not to look for him - because her son would no longer be there if she did.  _

_ Vincent Maximus Benedetto IV was no more; he ceased to exist once he left the door of his childhood home. What a “home” that turned out to be, he scoffed to himself. _

* * *

V took a deep breath as he took a break in his story. Even if it was cathartic to release these old memories, it still took a lot out of him mentally. Panam seemed to pick up on this and did what she could to silently support him. Sometime during his story, she found herself back on the ground next to him and curled into his side, head laying on the right side of his chest. Naturally, his arm was hooked around her and holding her securely against his body. The warmth of her curves pressed against him both set his body on fire and helped to ease his soul.

As V went to continue his story, he was stopped by a finger against his lips.

“Thank you... for sharing this with me. But I don’t want you to feel like you have to keep going and tell me everything.” 

Panam’s interjection caused a soft smile to form on his face as he looked down at her..

“Panam… I know I’m never gonna hear the end of this, but you were right: I should have confided in you before.” Naturally, this invoked a teasing gasp from his output, “I gotta say… telling you all of this… it just felt right. No one else knows that about me… you have no idea how much I care-”

V was once again cut off by Panam, albeit with a much better method this time.

It all happened so quickly: legs deftly swinging over his hips to straddle him, hands gripping the collar of his jacket and yanking up upward; soft, supple lips crashed into his, drawing the very breath out of his body. An involuntary groan escapes his throat as his hands went on autopilot to grip the generous hips above him and hungrily reciprocate the kiss. 

Panam let a breathy moan into his mouth as his hands continued to move south and grope her glorious, ample ass. V was spurred on by the noise and tested the waters, palming her left asscheek and giving the right one a quick  _ swat  _ and giving it a firm squeeze after. He was very happily rewarded with a gasp, her biting his bottom lip and grinding down onto his hips, seeking purchase in the quickly hardening bulge beneath her. 

Thick emotions hung in the air between the couple as they lost themselves in the intoxicating caress of their mouths and tongues, not giving a care in the world to their surroundings. It was getting harder and harder for both V and Panam to ignore the intensity of the emotions that had been brewing between them. Everyone else in camp saw it too and literally had gotten to the point where they placed various bets on which stubborn gonk would be the one to admit their feelings with actual words. Though, their actions often spoke loud and clear.

Remembering herself and where she was, Panam reluctantly broke away from V’s lips, though not without taking a mental snapshot of the sight below her. From what she could see in the natural light of the fire and moon, his pupils were dark with lust, a warm blush colored his pale cheeks and neck, and his perfectly _ delectable  _ lips were parted slightly as he panted, swollen from her onslaught. Not that she had any regrets about that at all, she thought to herself smugly. She would have loved nothing more than to continue losing herself in V, especially feeling the ever present reminder of his desire pressing  _ just right  _ against her sex, but Panam wanted actual privacy with V the next time they were intimate. She didn’t want any distractions - violent or otherwise - unlike their first time together. She hated to admit it, but she almost missed Night City just for V’s apartment in times like this. 

A hot blush inadvertently crossed her cheeks as the memory of the first time she had stayed there flashed through her mind. Panam had no idea what was in store for her when V had invited her over for dinner that night. She half expected a booty call to come out of it, but boy she was vastly unprepared for how insatiable her input really was. She recalled memories of her hands and cheek being pressed against the cold glass of his apartment window, cooling her heated skin; her  _ loud  _ wanton cries as he fucked her relentlessly from behind. The thrill of being fucked in front of an open window, especially as V’s hands couldn’t remain in one place as they moved from groping her breasts, tweaking a nipple, slapping her ass, or flicking her clit, drove her further into a mind-blowing fever pitch. She swore her brain malfunctioned at some point after orgasm number three... or was it the fourth? 

She started coming over to his apartment  _ much more  _ after that night.

Pushing that memory aside lest it drive her lust to heights they could not return from, Panam leaned back down and placed a tender kiss on V’s lips. 

“I’ll choose not to gloat about being right for now,” she said with a smirk, “but seriously… thank you. You won’t get any tearful confessions out of me, but you are the most important thing in my life… and it means the world that you chose to share that with me. I will protect it with my life.”

V had no doubt in his mind that she meant every word.

“You know what, though?”

“Hmm?” 

“I may not have known you as Vincent, but I can tell you this much: he’s still here with me today. Whether it’s V, Vincent, I don’t care. It doesn’t change how I feel about you.” The conviction in her voice caused this pleasant, yet unknown warmth to spread across every nerve ending in his body from head to toe. He couldn’t help but reach up and cup her jaw in his hand, which only acted to multiply the tingles when he caught her gaze. She was expressing the same intensity of emotion he was sure was being exuded from himself at that moment.

A sudden yawn from Panam drew them out of their moment, acting as a reminder that it was much later than either of them probably thought it was. Despite his ever impending doom, V had never felt more content than he did in that moment. He had plenty of time to tell Panam everything he couldn’t tonight and to get her to open up about her own rather mysterious past.

Ever the gentleman, as V moved to stand, he scooped up Panam bridal style. A fit of giggles emitted from the nomad as she acted offended by the action, but truth be told, she loved when he did silly stuff like that. Ever the romantic. He moved them to their shared tent, which was further back from the cliff by the other tents. 

As the couple settled into bed after shedding any opposing clothing, with Panam tangling herself in V’s limbs as she loved doing, the merc couldn’t help but think of his ill-fated given name again. Hearing it come from his output didn’t bring about the sense of dread he had expected, but quite the opposite. It also made him think about this new chapter of life he was walking into. Life in the Badlands was proving to be all about shedding old skin so far, between the skin of Night City, the Relic, and now his tortured Corpo beginnings. Maybe it was time to shed the stigma he held against his old name… if only for Panam.

“Panam?”

“Hmmmmmphmmm?” She grumbled, half raising her head from his chest, clearly already half-asleep.

“Goodnight. Sleep well. And… you can call me Vincent if you want.”

“Hmmm, tempting.” She leans up to kiss him softly before laying back down on his chest, “Goodnight, Vincent.”

The butterflies and tingles lit up the nerve endings all over V’s body, helping his exhausted form drift off into sleep, as did the quiet snoring that started up from Panam. Whatever the Badlands had to throw at them, they would take it on together.

But little did they know that their most challenging decisions laid ahead of them - not all of them ending well either. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, y'all, lay it on me! Gimme all of your feedback, comments, ideas, all of it! I wanna know what y'all wanna see happen in future chapters. :)
> 
> Also, let's be real: this fic is gonna end up explicit if I have anything to say about it.... lol....
> 
> I'll try to work on updating this sucker weekly (gotta make $$$ unfortunately), but each update should be as long as this one, if not longer to whet your whistles. I also have a couple of one-shots in the works to keep y'all sated in between (coughcough namely one detailing our favorite couple's spicy evening in V's apartment, don't pretend you don't want it also), so stay tuned for those!
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
> -Mel


	2. Overdrive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V is forced to come to terms with more of his past trauma; V and Panam finally get some alone time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, friends! I apologize for the delayed update; work and life got in the way, plus I was struggling for a little bit with how exactly I want the story to flow. Also, if I am being honest, I also got distracted starting to write one-shot on the side as well oops. I am pretty pleased with how the chapter turned out despite it being, like, two times as long as I had anticipated... lol... so hopefully, it was worth the wait!!
> 
> This chapter acts as more world-building and also works to further strengthen where V and Panam's relationship currently sits. After this, we should see more of the plot really ramp up.
> 
> P.S. if you haven't noticed, there has already been a rating change from M to E. These wild children cannot keep their hands to themselves to save their lives. I have no shame or regrets.

**October 17, 2077 // 4:11am // Somewhere in the Mojave Desert**

Most nights, V dreamed he was falling through endless waves of colorful pixels not unlike how it looks inside cyberspace. Ever since he rose from the dead thanks to Johnny and the Relic, that was how he dreamed. He never felt like his feet were on the ground beneath him; never felt the comfort of being secure. It was his brain’s sick way of reminding him, even when sleeping, that his mind and his mortality were seemingly out of his grasp. 

Some nights as he fell through his pixelated hell, nightmares would be interspersed, tangling themselves into the very neurons of his mind as if  _ taunting  _ him. There was nowhere to run from them when he had no control. V was sure his brain was more active when asleep over when he was awake these days. Even if he had slept a normal amount of sleep, it was seldom that he actually felt rested anymore.

That night was no different except for a small yet very significant fact: he wasn’t falling through cyberspace. There were no pixels.

Instead, V found himself standing inside of a hallway that seemed foreign at first, but something inside of him told him he knew this place very well. He felt the name of it sitting on the tip of his tongue, but it sat in his mouth stagnant. His surroundings, which had been out of focus previously, slowly started to come into focus the more he became aware. When it became clear where he was, he wished nothing more than to wake up and take himself out of this place. He was convinced that his mind was hellbent on playing cruel tricks on him.

On the wall not too far down the hallway in yellow and black, bold letters read “MILITECH”. In front of V was the door to his mother’s office, mostly shut but door ajar enough to hear the hushed conversation behind the door. No one else was in the hallway or seemingly any of the other adjacent offices. By the looks of the building and the areas of his body that were visible when he examined himself, he was revisiting a memory from his early teen years.

Why was he here, though? Why was his mind choosing to bring him back to this specific point in time - a point in time he honestly could not place? Was this even a memory or was it something his mind was doing to torture him some more?

Things suddenly shifted in his dream and soon V was no longer standing. Instead, he was now crouching and had moved himself closer to the crack in the door. But, what was he listening for?

He could only place his mother’s voice as the voices filter through the door again, but the other voice was unknown to him. Masculine, vaguely familiar, but it was someone he couldn’t place. No matter how hard he tried, though, the words sounded like literal gibberish. It was as if this dream - this memory - was being dangled in front of him as a sign, but what fucking sign? Why was this memory that he had no previous recollection of so important and why couldn’t he hear whatever this conversation was? 

Just as the dream began to shift, taking him back out of focus, V made out something legible finally from his mother’s mouth:  _ “My boy must never find out.” _

But as he tried to keep this memory in his grasp, it slipped away as quickly as it came...

* * *

V jolted awake with a broken gasp, shooting into an upright position. This, in turn, startled Panam awake who was still sleeping half on top of the merc with their legs tangled together. Due to his unexpected movement, she was now laying on her side with a bewildered look on her face as she tried to wake up enough to assess the situation. 

He put a shaky hand to his chest in a futile attempt to calm his breathing and his heart rate down while taking in large gulps of air. For a second, darkness clouded his vision as if he was about to experience a blackout.  _ Please, for the love of God, let me stay conscious,  _ he pleaded to his broken psyche. His mind was spinning as he tried to piece together what he just witnessed in his dream… 

What  _ was  _ that memory or whatever it was that he just witnessed? Was this tucked away in the back of his mind and let loose when he unearthed the grave he had kept his ugliest memories locked in? Everything about what he had just “dreamed” about created an unsettled feeling deep in V’s stomach.

What worried him more was the implication behind his mother’s words;  _ what wasn’t he supposed to find out? _

A gentle hand slowly started to caress his bare back and that was when he realized he was drenched with sweat - not that either of them cared at that moment in time. Worse than that, he could taste that all too familiar metallic tang of copper in the back of his throat.  _ Blood.  _ He confirmed his suspicions when he felt Panam’s other hand touch his lips and retract with blood coating the pads of tanned fingers. 

V couldn’t avoid the feeling of despair from creeping up at seeing his blood on her hands like that - especially because of the fact that she seemingly was so used to it now that it didn’t freak her out anymore. Little did he know that was the opposite of the truth, but Panam would never tell him that. The nomad knew her merc needed her to be a solid presence in the times when he felt weak, even if he would never explicitly ask for it - just like she knew she would need it if circumstances had been flipped.

Despite the very raw and emotional conversation the couple had shared hours ago, V still couldn’t help the gut feeling that occurred when his pain was obvious to her. He tried so hard to be strong for her - to hide what he reasonably could without her going apeshit on him - because he saw how much stress she was under. Between leading the clan after Saul’s untimely death, moving the entire clan across state borders while running from Arasaka, and his predicament, all he wanted to do was try and ease some of the burden he caused. Even if she insisted he wasn’t a burden, it was hard to convince himself otherwise. 

As the days and weeks continued to pass, V started to feel himself and his resolve slowly weaken. The headaches and nosebleeds seemed to be the first way his body wanted to revolt against the “intruder” in its brain. He considered it to be a small blessing that he hadn’t experienced more than one blackout since leaving NC, but the realist in V knew that wouldn’t stand to be the case forever. To be honest, he didn’t really want to know what was going to happen to him next if this was just the beginning. 

Before he could make any move to do something himself, Panam had grabbed a washcloth and worked on cleaning off her hand. She handed it to him wordlessly when she was done, both of them knowing full well that V’s pride would not allow her to help him clean himself up as much as she wanted to. While she remained silent, she kept her gaze locked onto him with an intense stare. He couldn’t miss the concern behind her eyes, but there was something else there that he wasn’t able to place… something intense. Part of him knew he was lying to himself saying he didn’t know what intense emotions were pulsating between them, but the other part of himself still was scared to admit them - both to himself and Panam.

The pair continued to sit in silence as he used the cloth to get the worst of the sweat from his face and neck, also making sure to get all of the blood off of his face. He could feel Panam’s gaze on him the whole time. V sighed as he shifted their position a bit, untangling their legs so he could swing his legs over the edge of the bed. The nomad was now sitting next to him, legs curled underneath her body.

“Vincent… nightmares again?” Panam’s voice was quiet as she finally broke the silence. He let out a shaky breath, still unsure how to answer the question. Was it a nightmare? It didn’t feel like it, but something was amiss about it. It definitely didn’t stir up any happy or gooey feelings in him, that’s for damn sure.

“I still dunno what I just saw. Normally, I don’t have ‘typical’ dreams or nightmares but I just… it was like I was reliving a memory I’d forgotten… it musta been. It looked and felt too real…” V trailed off, still lingering on his mother’s words. There was more to this memory than it seemed and he needed to know why he had blocked it away. 

“Tell me about it?” 

“I was in the Militech building that my ma worked outta, standing alone in an empty hallway. I could hear her voice and someone else’s, a familiar man’s voice but everything was so… distorted and distant in the dream… nothin’ they were saying made sense... all gibberish. But, what I can’t get over is the one thing I actually heard my ma say: ‘ _ My boy must never find out’. _ ” V saw Panam’s face mirror his own confusion at the last part, “I just… why now? I’ve never recalled this memory before, but I musta blocked it for some reason along with the trauma of my father’s death.” 

Panam remained silent for a moment after V finished, her lips pursed as if she was thinking. She studied his face while also still rubbing a soothing hand across his upper back once more. It felt as if she was trying to look right through him and directly into the window of his soul… not that she ever had a hard time doing so those days.

“Seems to me like your mind is protecting yourself from more than you thought,” she mused.

V scoffed quietly, “That’s definitely an understatement.” He looked over next to him into warm caramel eyes, enveloping himself in the warmth that came from her gaze. “I need t’go walk this off a bit… go back to bed, Pan.” 

As strong as she was, Panam couldn’t hide the flash of hurt that flickered across her face. V knew it was because she feared he was pushing her away again - that he wasn't going to let her help him. He knew that wasn’t the case and that he wouldn’t let that happen again, but he still needed time to process his thoughts. It was hard to concentrate - let alone make sense - on the jumbled array of memories and thoughts collecting in his head while inside of their shared tent. Also, if he was being honest with himself, this was something he would most likely need to figure out on his own.

The nomad started to rev herself up to argue, but most of the fight was knocked out of her when a firm hand was placed on her shoulder. Somehow, V was able to fully push her body down into a lying position without much resistance. Now that it was obvious he wasn’t in imminent danger, her body was quick to want to resume sleeping, which was also apparent in her drooping eyes. The merc couldn’t help but chuckle softly at the sight; it never was hard to get Panam to fall asleep. He swore she probably could fall asleep next to a roaring train and stay asleep with no interruption. 

On their lazier mornings, which didn’t come often, V would take all of the time he could get just watching Panam sleep. He memorized the lines and curves of her body; the freckles and moles scattering across her tanned skin; the scars that marred her perfect landscape; the black ringlets of hair that popped out from tightly wrapped dreads. It was only when his love was sleeping that she looked relaxed anymore. 

V smiled at the thought; he almost stopped himself in his tracks, contemplating spending a few hours enthralled with Panam’s sleeping form. He certainly wouldn’t have complained if she let him be enthralled with her non-sleeping form either, but there was no way he would ever be selfish enough to take precious sleep from the sleep-deprived chieftess. 

“I won’t be gone long; I’ll be back before you know it,” V said with a reassuring tone. He gently took the hand that was on her shoulder and ran it slowly down her arm to meet her hand. He grasped it, lacing their fingers together and gave the hand a reassuring squeeze. Softly, his lips grazed across the very pads of her fingers that had been covered in his blood not that long before.

Beneath him, despite how visibly tired she was, he could still see a blush cross her cheeks accompanied with a shy smile - a sight that only he was privy to seeing. It was still common for her to react this way to his more overtly romantic gestures, and V would rue the day when he stopped getting those reactions out of her.

“Go before I drag you back into bed for more of those kisses,” she mumbled, emphasizing the statement with a playful shove. He shot her an incandescent smile. 

V stood up from the edge of the bed, but not without planting a kiss to the side of Panam’s head first. She let out a content sigh at the affection and adjusted her body to get fully comfortable in the bed again. It didn’t take her long to sprawl herself out on the mattress in an almost comical way, emphasizing her action, this time exhaling a long, pleased breath.

He took that as his cue to slide on a pair of sweats, a hoodie, and his well-worn moccasins that sat nearby. Taking note of the time, V knew it was likely he may see a couple of the real early birds starting to clean up their temporary camp to prepare for their departure late morning. The merc took one last look back at Panam, who was already half asleep - not that V was surprised - and took a mental snapshot of the sight. He exited the tent and started walking toward the same cliff that the group had posted up at for their fire the evening before. 

The brisk, early morning air did wonders to clear the remaining fog that lingered in V’s mind. Almost immediately after walking out of the tent, his vision became clearer and any previous warning signs of a blackout had been flushed. He could’ve cried in relief. Part of him pondered if his… illness… ailment… whatever it could be called at that point… would have been worse if he was still in Night City. There was no such thing as waking up and walking outside to get a breath of fresh air; nothing was fresh about NC. Even in some areas of the Badlands right outside of the city, you couldn’t escape just how far the smog-permeated atmosphere around NC had spread into the desert. 

As his feet carried him to the cliff, aside from the quiet movement from the expected folks who were awake and the sound of his own footfall, it was the time of day when it was still eerily quiet. Not many creatures had stirred awake yet, especially with the chill that had set in the air overnight. The nights and mornings would only progressively get quieter as fall and eventually winter set into effect. He was thankful for the small bit of time that he had to spend in complete silence with just himself and his thoughts.

Introspection and meditation in general were never V’s strong suits; he used to find it formidable to make sense of anything going on in his head, especially after leaving home at sixteen. It was much easier to just shoot it or punch it - and more fun too. So, in his own way of coping, it had been easier to take things at surface level and not dwell. Thinking back on it now, V realized that inadvertently, coping in that way created the prison that had trapped his most harrowing fragments of his past. After all, his younger self had been convinced that dwelling had only caused him more pain in those years following his father’s death and its ensuing consequences. It also was easier to act that way when it was just him in his life - nothing to think about except surviving for the next day. Living that way simply was not an option anymore; he had too much to live for now and he wouldn’t let that escape from him by any means.

While he wouldn’t consider himself to be “woke”, now he valued and understood the benefit of taking time to decompress and be more centered with himself. He started to find himself participating in morning yoga with the clan more than once since leaving NC with them. Somehow, this information had yet to make it to Panam and V sincerely hoped it stayed that way. He wasn’t sure how his output - the living epitome of the old pre-war cartoon “Sonic the Hedgehog'' - would react to him finding his zen and practicing yoga. Would she laugh? Be flabbergasted? Tease him? Either way, he was sure he would never live it down.

Putting some of his teachings into effect, V sat in a crossed legged position and closed his eyes, placing his hands on top of his knees with his palms up. A classic meditation pose. Taking a moment to take a deep breath, center himself, and clear his mind, he started to focus on finding that snippet of his past again to gain more clarity on it. He was almost convinced that he was being foolish and trying to summon memories as if he was trying to watch a BD was ludacris. But then, when it materialized without warning in his mind, it presented itself almost like an echo of what it truly was - and completely in code just like his dreams. 

_ Was this a side effect of my degeneration? Will I start to experience more of my memories... thoughts… like I’m in cyberspace? _

An unsettling thought passed over him: was this how Johnny saw everything?

Despite not experiencing the memory like he was actually there, just as he had dreamed not too long before, V felt something distinctly different about the hallway he was “standing” in. Not only was everything in pixels, but he was being treated to an almost x-ray view of his surroundings because of it. Cyber walls were still present where real walls should have been, but now, he could see all of the thermal activity of anyone near him.

His previous suspicions were confirmed that there were two red outlines of bodies standing in his mother’s office: herself and a taller figure on the other side of what V presumed to be her desk. Fragmented bits of words and sounds filtered through his head, no two words making sense together. He did his best to move his focus onto piecing those words together into something intelligible, slowly losing himself in his task. 

V wasn’t sure exactly how long he sat there in his meditative state, reflecting and trying to comprehend his flashback. He found it easier than he had expected to ease himself into such a state; maybe it was because of the simple fact that he felt a lot of weight on his psyche. He also pondered and suspected it also had a lot to do with sheer will and his stubborn ass making it happen. Even if he was trying to connect with his “inner self” more, V was still the same bullheaded merc through and through - if words didn’t work, his fist sure did.

Yet, somehow, the big bad merc still could be snuck up on in the middle of a fucking desert.

“‘Cha doing out here by yerself, V?”

Letting out a rather unfortunate shriek, V felt as if his soul left his body and returned when he literally fell out of his meditation pose in surprise at hearing noise. Feeling defeated, he did little to move himself off of his back and back into a sitting position, instead choosing to glare at the figure who loomed over him, who was laughing at V’s outburst. 

“Unless those optics need a tune-up, I think y’saw what I was doin’, Mitch,” V retorted with a grumble. The older veteran guffawed and took a lingering drag of the cigarette that he was holding in his fingers, giving it a quick flick after to remove any excess ash. The merc had to do a double take because he realized after a moment that Mitch wasn’t actually smoking a cigarette - it was a joint. He could tell immediately once the smell of potent smoke reached his nose; he instantly started to salivate. It had been a long time since he had done anything aside from drink. Weed wasn’t easy to find in Night City, surprisingly, because most of its residents that enjoyed the “drug scene” used much harder and intense drugs; plain ol’ marijuana didn’t do the trick for many anymore. 

It was clear, however, that nomads still love and respected the gifts that Mother Nature blessed them with. Thinking about it now, he realized that Mitch was not the first person he had witnessed openly smoking a joint around camp. V recalled the story Panam had told him once about her having to babysit a bunch of the veterans after they stumbled upon peyote near the Mexico border and decided to try it out. He smirked at the thought; he had a lot of blackmail thanks to that story.

“Well sure, I ain’t blind, but still doesn’t ‘splain the ‘why’ behind it or anything.” Good ol’ Mitch - might as well dub him the Town Crier. No one knew more gossip than the snarky war vet, and for that reason alone, V was unsure about what to tell Mitch. But despite the older man’s shortcomings with his penchant for gossip, he also knew the man was one of the most loyal folks he had ever met and would rather die than betray V’s trust. Especially not after everything they had been through together as brothers.

V effortlessly pushed himself up off of the sandy rock beneath him into a standing position so he could better face Mitch. Once they were at eye level with each other, the veteran held his hand out, offering the other man the joint. He took it gladly and a long inhale, letting the smoke flood his senses. After all of the trauma he had been unleashing from his brain over the last few hours, it would be a welcome sensation to be lulled into a blissful, weed-induced high for a time. 

“Eh… you know how it goes.” Vague but effective seeing as Mitch nodded in response and the joint was passed to its original owner. It was everyone’s favorite elephant in the room: V’s degrading health. For as much as he was able to hide his symptoms from the clan, it was hard for them all not to hear the nights the merc would wake up yelling from a nightmare or see the dark circles present under his eyes from a lack of restful sleep

“Wish I didn’t, brother, wish I didn’t…” Mitch inhaled a puff of smoke, “Does Pan know?”

V nodded, “Yeah, woke her up with me like usual. This one was… different though, Mitch. Somethin’ is really off ‘bout this and it isn’t sitting right with me.”

“Whaddya mean?”

“My dreams… nightmares… usually look and happen the same way every night ever since I chipped that damn Relic in. Tonight was different. It was like my mind was tryna tell me something that I need t’know, but the pieces keep falling outta my hands like sand when I try to do anything ‘bout it,” V explained, keeping his gaze out on the landscape in front of his line of vision. Ever so slowly, light began to permeate the edges of darkness, signaling dawn was approaching. He took another puff from the joint when it was offered to him, the tendrils of smoke curling around his face as he slowly exhaled out of his nose. The effects of the weed sat on him even more, creating a sense of relaxation and mild euphoria deep in his body. Whatever negative feelings that still lingered from his abrupt wake up had been eradicated, leaving him feeling lightweight in a sense. He had to find out where Mitch got his shit from and start to keep some around for himself; his mind and body hadn’t felt this unencumbered for far too long. 

“Our minds put us through some crazy shit, huh, V? Sounds like what I used to experience after we got back from the war and I was dealin’ with some real bad PTSD. Most nights I couldn’t recognize tit for tat in my nightmares, but there’d be some times that I dream about somethin’ like it had just happened. It was always jarring as shit, let me tell ya,” Mitch said with a sigh. He took the joint back from V and finished it, flicking the butt over the side of the ledge. He then turned his body to fully face the merc. “I won’t keep ya, but I’d try’n’catch more z’s while you can; wheels up at 8am.”

V nodded and took a moment to bring up his clock in his optics; 5:02am. He had been outside, meditating, for nearly an hour. Shit. He thanked Mitch briefly for sharing the smoke and the chat as the veteran walked back to whatever he was doing. V shook his head as he scrambled back to his tent without seeming too hasty; so much for not being gone for long. All he could hope for was that Panam was still fast asleep in bed and hadn’t noticed him being gone for so long yet. He also sincerely hoped there wasn’t a lingering weed smell on him.

A wave of relief flooded over him when he poked his head into their tent and saw Panam’s prone form still asleep in their bed. He couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face as he fully entered the tent, still gazing at his output. From the outside looking in, V was very aware of how he looked in that moment: like a lovesick chump. For as many people as he had shared his bed with over the years, even those he thought he had shared a part of his heart with, there had been no one who grasped his heart with a vice hold quite like her. He still couldn’t fathom how something as simple as watching her sleep made every nerve ending in his body stand at attention; made his heart  _ thump thump  _ in his chest wildly. 

_ “It’s called love, you fuckin’ gonk.” _

As much as V didn’t want to admit the echo of Johnny in his head was right - he knew that was exactly what he had been feeling. Still, the notion of love was completely foreign to the merc; the only love he ever recalled feeling in life was from his mother, then subsequently Mrs. Welles and Jackie. But still, no romantic love; not with the life he used to live. There was no room and no time for messy emotions like love when he had to worry about surviving. The question that lingered for him was: did she feel the same? When was the right time to tell her? Hell, would there ever be a “right” time?

V tried not to dwell on his feelings further than he had been; he already knew it was a dam that was just waiting to burst at this point. All he needed was to blurt out his true affection for Panam when he hadn’t prepared for it and possibly scare away the best thing that had ever happened to him. He slid off the clothes he had put on temporarily for his “walk”, going back to wearing only his boxer briefs, and carefully slid into bed behind his love. If she was aware of him joining the bed, she made no notion of it. 

He carefully moved himself to cradle the smaller woman in front of him and somehow not wake her up in the process. Inevitably, when he slid his arm under her neck so he could properly hold her, he could feel her body stir a bit. Once he was fully spooning her, V could feel Panam become more aware that someone had joined her in bed. She quickly became comfortable in his warm embrace, taking no time at all to lace their fingers together and press the entire back of her body into his as if trying to mold herself into him; a typical Panam Palmer move. 

Whether it was her intention or not, any previous fatigue that may have lingered in him quickly vanished at the feeling of her ass settling itself right on his crotch. Even worse, she had wiggled it a bit in an attempt to make herself more comfortable. V cursed to himself in his head, biting his lip to try and will his body not to react as if he was a fucking hornball teenager. 

It didn’t work - not at all. 

Panam always had an... effect on him even when she was fully clothed and not completely glued to his body; the effect was now compounded times a thousand in the current position they were in. There was no way the nomad didn’t know exactly what she was doing, even if she was mostly asleep. 

V contemplated his choices: he could have enjoyed the bit of dry rubbing, tried to ignore his hard-on being pressed  _ just so right  _ against the curve of her ass, and slept; he also could give her a pleasant wake-up call and start both of their days off right, even if it meant being selfish and pulling her out of her sleep. 

The decision was made for him when he felt his hand that was in Panam’s grasp being guided up her torso from where it had been resting on her belly. Up, up, up their hands crept up until they landed square on one of her full breasts. The fire that had been brewing in his gut was unleashed like an inferno, causing what little semblance of self-control he had left to snap like a twig.

He roughly palmed her breast as he started to pepper open mouth kisses along her mostly bare shoulder. He was rewarded with a quiet whimper and a much more direct swivel of Panam’s ass on his rapidly growing erection. Kissing her skin was so addicting to him; he would worship her entire body if she let him. He couldn’t resist thrusting himself against her ass while he bit gently, yet firmly, where her shoulder met her neck.

“Fuck, V…” It was clear that Panam was responding to his actions just as quickly as he had responded to hers. Her breathing was becoming labored and she wasn’t doing much of anything to stop her ass from slowly torturing him with her constant rutting. His bloodlust for his love was already escalated due to smoking with Mitch and this was certainly doing nothing to help. 

He continued kissing his way up her neck, stopping to nip a few times at the skin, relishing in the gasps that came from Panam when he did. He reached her ear and swiftly began to tease her earlobe with his teeth.

“Gonna make me cum in my underwear before I can even touch you,” V grumbled directly into her ear, emphasizing it with a thrust of his hips. He palmed her breast once again, but not without tweaking her nipple through her tunic. Panam shivered in his embrace, moaning softly, goosebumps erupting all over her skin. The merc already knew his love had a penchant for dirty talk - whether it was receiving or giving it - and now was no different. 

“Better do something about it, then,” Panam breathed as a retort. If it hadn’t been so early in the morning, V knew the nomad would normally take matters into her own hands and lead the situation. He was usually  _ more  _ than willing to allow her to do so. Who would complain about witnessing this desert goddess mounting him and riding him until they both saw stars? But now, it was clear she was passing the baton to him and letting him lead the current situation in her sleepy and horny stupor.

V certainly would oblige.

“As you wish.” He tilted her head so they could finally lock eyes with each other. In the darkness of the tent, V could still see how utterly wrecked Panam already looked. There was almost no trace of the brown left in her eyes from her pupils being so dilated and she leveled a gaze at him that made him feel like he was about to be her breakfast - no complaints from him on that front. 

Their lips met in a blaze of passion, both too stubborn to let the other take control. The kiss didn’t last long, however, before Panam abruptly broke their lips apart and regarded him curiously. She moved her body so they were no longer spooning, but that she was on her back with V laying on his side next to her. V, poor guy, was still utterly confused as to why she broke the kiss.

“Have you… been smoking  _ weed? _ ” The tone of her voice was surprised, yet also held a teasing edge to it. 

Ah, fuck. He completely forgot that while the smell may not have lingered on his body, it definitely would’ve lingered on his lips. The merc sheepishly smiled and shrugged at the woman below him.

“Uh… yeah? It wasn’t my plan to; Mitch found me after I’d left the tent and offered some to me. Never realized how many nomads were stoners.” 

“Wow, I never thought I would have seen the day that the mighty merc V would bow to peer pressure,” Panam teased, running her nails slowly along his naked, tattooed torso. V had to close his eyes at the sensation; it was sending ripples of pleasure across his entire body.

“Heh, I wouldn’t go that far,” he breathed, half paying attention to the conversation, half paying attention to her hand that kept sliding lower down his torso. “Used t’smoke it a bit when I was younger, but like most in Night City, didn’t really stick with it since it was hard to find and usually not good unless right from other cities or some clan. I haven’t felt this lightweight in a while - like my brain isn’t actually melting.” 

As he kept speaking, his full attention shifted to the sensation of being high and how it made him feel. It didn’t take long for Panam to realize how prone he really was; she took full advantage of his current state-of-mind and his distractedness to fully shed her clothing, leaving her in all of her naked glory before V. Her hand that had been trailing down his torso before resumed its path, not taking long to find its destination.

Anything that V was about to say was completely thrown out of the window when he felt slender, strong fingers grasp his hard cock. He had to bite his lip from moaning out too loudly, his inhibitions a bit out of whack due to being high but was unable to stop himself from thrusting into her hand more. While they hadn’t the opportunity to be intimate with each other since leaving Night City, V certainly did not want the whole camp to know now was the time they were deciding to rectify that. Or ever.

He tried to gather his bearings, but when looked down at his output, he thought his neural network would short circuit after seeing Panam suddenly naked below him with a coy smirk on her face. V couldn’t help but ogle at the sight: his love, his Panam, all sinew and soft curves. Her dusky nipples stood at attention atop her full, perky breasts; more freckles and beauty marks were scattered across her skin akin to stars in the night sky; long legs went on for miles. Add all of that to the fact that she also had her hand so sweetly wrapped around his cock, and he really thought his brain was going to turn into a barbecue.

Fuck, what did he do to deserve such a minx?

V officially threw any semblance of normal thoughts out of the window when he noticed Panam was working to fully remove his constricting boxer briefs. Once they were off, his cock bobbed proudly against his belly, a thin line of pre-cum already leaking from the top. He barely had time to register the relief of being freed from the confines of his underwear before he felt Panam shift the positions of their bodies to allow for her to kneel between his legs and V on his back. 

His cock twitched in anticipation as her soft lips started to kiss his chest, spending extra time kissing the litany of scars that made up the landscape of his body. She playfully flicked his nipples as she ghosted over them -  _ God fucking damn - _ and moved a firm hand to his hip in an attempt to keep him still while she worked her way down his body. 

Once it became clear what her intentions were, V wasn’t sure he would make it more than a few minutes with that mouth wrapped around his erection. Not with how amped up he has been; not with how it felt like electricity was zipping across every nerve ending whenever they touched. Panam had done little more than grasp the object of her desire and he already felt like he was going to explode.

In that moment, he honestly had no idea how they had gone so long without being intimate with each other again. Not when it felt like this.

V nearly combusted when Panam’s other hand - the one not anchoring him down - reached down and fondled his balls.  _ God,  _ what a woman. She was still leveling the same coy smirk at him and had yet to take her eyes off of his. She continued her descent down his body, kissing  _ so close  _ to where he needed it but yet so far.

He felt an involuntary groan of impatience slip past his lips, much to Panam’s amusement. She quirked an eyebrow, the corners of her lips spreading even wider.

“Mmm… impatient there, cowboy?” She drawled, making sure to give a firm squeeze to the sensitive balls she cradled in her left hand for emphasis. V could only squeak out a gasp. She was not playing fair… but she would get what was coming to her if he had any say about it.

“Fuck, Panam, you’re drivin’ me crazy.” He groaned, one of his hands moving to grasp the sheet below them and the other moving to weave his fingers into her loose dreads.

“That is the intent.” Something flashed across her eyes, almost maniacal, as V watched the nomad sink down further on the bed. Her hand that had been holding him down slid away toward where he so desperately wanted her to touch, but still wouldn’t quite give him what he needed. While he wasn’t against begging, his pride was getting to him in that moment, stopping him from straight asking for his pleasure. Panam may have been the world’s biggest tease, but she also knew when to put her money where her mouth was.

Sensing his growing distress, Panam clicked her tongue with a shake of her head. 

“Poor baby. Let me help you…” She trailed off, keeping her eyes locked into his as she grasped the bottom of his considerable length with her right hand and moved to kiss the tip of his leaking cock. V’s eyes nearly rolled back into his head and let the pleasure consume him, but he couldn’t find himself able to break away from Panam’s intense gaze.

Without another word, Panam had taken practically the entire length of his cock into her mouth, not once taking her eyes off of the merc. She hummed around him as she began to - rather excitedly - suck the living life out of him. V couldn’t help the broken moans that escaped his lips, nor the litany of hushed curses as he tried  _ so hard  _ not to lose his shit. The nomad had proven to him very quickly that she was a  _ very  _ talented individual in certain… departments. He had joked with her once that having sex with her was like having sex with an alpha wolf - she was the chieftess after all - which had resulted in him being tied up and gagged that night while she used his body for her pleasure. 

Almost as if he was in a trance, V kept his eyes locked with Panam’s as she continued to bob her head on his cock, her pretty pink tongue peeking out every now and again. His hand that was looped in her hair grasped and pushed her further into his crotch, earning him a throaty moan around his dick. She moved the hand that she had initially wrapped around the base of his erection so she could fully take his girth into her mouth.

_ Oh my god, oh my god, oh my- _

The slight gurgle that he heard from her throat upon her deepthroating him and gagging sent him over the edge. Feeling the back of her throat constricting around the tip of his swollen dick-

“Panam- fuck- I’m-!” V couldn’t control it nor did he really want to; his hot cum spilled out directly into his love’s throat and just like the  _ fucking goddess  _ she was, she swallowed and licked it all up.

It was official: he would follow Panam to the end of the Earth. 

He felt as if he was floating in space as he came down from his orgasm. He vaguely registered feeling lips kissing their way back up his torso, but since he still hadn’t completely returned to his body, it still felt like a faraway sensation. V had never realized he could have such an intense orgasm before dating Panam; now he knew literally anything was possible with his nomad beauty.

V’s daze was broken when Panam’s flushed face came into his view, her lips delightfully swollen and glossy from just going down on him. He placed his hand on the back of her neck to pull her in for a messy kiss, groaning as he could taste himself on her lips and tongue. She quickly moved her body to straddle his hips and settle herself right above his half-mast erection, throwing any notion out of the window that he would have any control over the situation. He wasn’t even sure why he thought that would happen in the first place. He could instantly feel just how  _ wet  _ she was; the insides of her thighs were soaked and she was practically dripping onto his lower belly. 

He became  _ really  _ aware of how wet she was when she started to rub her wet folds on his now quickly hardening cock. Clearly, Panam had enjoyed getting him off as much as he did. Mimicking the position they had found themselves in the evening before, V sat himself up enough to reach one arm around to palm her firm ass and let the other hand trail up to her breasts. A warm blush had spread itself across most of her torso in her arousal, and her mouth was slightly agape as she kept rubbing herself against the man below her. V sat up even further, not able to resist the temptation of taking one of her hard nipples in between his lips, sucking on it gently while twirling the other one between his fingers. Simultaneously, he was groping her asscheek and encouraging her hips to grind on his cock harder.

“Oh…! Fuck…” Panam moaned, her hips stuttering and losing their rhythm when she felt the thick head of his erection rub  _ just right  _ against her needy clit. V gave a swift  _ smack  _ to her ass, causing her to jolt and gasp a broken whimper. She grabbed his chin in one of her hands, forcing his lips away from her breasts and pulling him into a demanding kiss.

Without further preamble, the nomad moved to position herself over his leaking, hard cock. She grasped him and pumped him a couple of times before slowly descending down and taking him into her hot, tight cunt. Panam’s mouth, which had been glued to V’s still until this point, dropped away from the merc as she let out an elongated, but restrained moan. She took her time descending onto his thick length, swiveling ever so slightly as she adjusted to his size. While his uncut cock was thick, it did not lack in length; Panam would insist he fit inside of her perfectly.

“Goddamn, Pan, your pussy is so  _ tight,” _ V growled, the words tumbling from his lips without restraint. He was entranced by watching his cock be gobbled up by her tight sheath. All his nomad chieftess could respond with was a low moan, trying desperately to keep herself quiet, as she finally descended completely on his erection. 

Like the true alpha she was, Panam started to ride his cock with a fervor, setting an energetic pace. V no longer was sitting up, but flat on his back with arguably one of the best views he had ever seen above him. Her breasts jostled as she bounced, a thin sheen of sweat now coating her skin, which caused some of her loosely flowing dreads to stick in random places on her nude body; her face read pure ecstasy between her parted lips breathing out quiet whimpers in cadence with their thrusting, and her fighting to keep her eyes open and locked on V below her. It was so fucking erotic.

Both of his hands were now on her hips to help her get more leverage to fuck herself on his cock like she was riding a motorcycle in the desert. He let out a deep - and rather loud - groan when he hit a particularly  _ tight  _ spot inside of her, causing both of their eyes to widen immediately at the implication. Both of her hands had been flat on his chest for leverage, but the next thing V knew, Panam was using one of her hands to cover his mouth. For a second, the merc thought he was gonna cum after he realized her intent was to shut him the fuck up without sacrificing her own pleasure. He would gladly let her use his body as she pleased.

Panam didn’t let up on the speed of her hips after she covered his mouth; if anything, her pace became more frantic. V knew her body enough by now to understand this was a sign that she was starting to chase her orgasm. He slid his right hand off of her hip, moving it between her legs to her swollen clit. 

“Shi-it!” She stuttered, her hips jerking uncontrollably upon contact of his fingers on the sensitive bundle of nerves, “Yes, touch my clit, Vincent. Make me cum for you.” It was rare that his spitfire nomad ever pleaded or begged for anything. Pure desire and desperation bled into tone as she moaned for her love, her Vincent. 

V could have sworn his vision shorted out for a moment. Hearing his name - his real name - tumbling off of her lips in ecstasy set in stone the fact that he was so in love with this woman and that he made the right decision to trust her with his burdens. 

Not one to ignore such a plea, V started to circle her clit with his thumb like he was a man on a mission. He watched Panam bite her lip  _ hard  _ to most likely not wake the whole camp up with her wailing; after all, she was typically the noisy one in bed. The walls of her pussy contracted around his cock deliciously, giving him more signs of her impending crash. He knew there was one thing that would send her over the edge real quick.

He sat up rather abruptly, causing Panam to react quickly and loop her arms around his neck as their torsos pressed together intimately. Her hips were now grinding on V’s, gaining rough stimulation from rubbing her clit against him. She was unable to stop the whimper that escaped her lips as the change in angle of his cock inside of her either. He smirked as he realized just how well his plan was working. 

“God, your cunt feels so good on my thick cock, Panam, so hot and wet. You take it so well,” V praised as he brought his mouth next to her ear, the tone of his voice cool but still dripping with lust. He didn’t have to see her face to know exactly how she was reacting to him -  _ to Corpo V.  _ “I love it when you ride my cock like you were born to do it. You know you like it too. Such a good girl.”

“ _ Fuck, Vincent-!”  _ V knew she was close to breaking with how frantic her voice had become.

“Are you gonna be a good girl and come for me?” 

“I…” Panam suddenly froze as the walls of her pussy constricted around his cock. V leaned back in time to see her head fall back, dreads tumbling down her back as her eyes screwed shut and her face contorted into pure pleasure. Her mouth opened as she let out a silent scream as her orgasm flooded her system, sending fireworks down her body from head to toe. 

“Yesyesyesyesyes,” she moaned incoherently, her mind quickly turning into mush from sheer pleasure. 

As his nomadic goddess was in her orgasmic high, V took over and began pounding up into her  _ so fucking tight  _ sheath in an attempt to draw out a second orgasm from her and himself. One of Panam’s hands now clings to V’s back in a desperate attempt to ground herself while the merc was sending them both into oblivion. Her nails dug into his skin, which he barely registered since he was too lost in the pleasure that was about to erupt in his core.

“Fuuuu-!” Despite their previous attempts to stay quiet, it seemed Panam was about to ruin all in one fell swoop. V, having to act fast, had done the same thing to Panam that she had done to him: stifled his speaking by covering her mouth with his hand. Thankfully he caught most of the sound before his own orgasm hit him, causing his hand to fall limply to his side.

Both well spent and feeling pleased down to the marrow of their bones, the pair collapsed back onto the bed. They fell into their natural cuddling position - Panam laying her head on V’s chest while they entwine their legs - and took some time to bask in the afterglow of their copulation. V was absentmindedly playing with Panam’s dreads while she traced the intricate lines of the tattoo that spread across his chest. 

“We should wake up like this more often,” V said once he found the energy to speak, his tone light. Panam chuckled, leaning up to give him a soft, yet firm kiss. 

“Mmm… I’m sure I can fit it into my very busy schedule as clan chief,” Panam said, making his own tone. She tenderly was running her fingers along the lines of his face, through parts of his hair, over areas of his rough beard - almost as if she was mapping out the details of his face in her head.

They caught each other’s eyes, both getting lost for a moment. V’s heart tugged and was threatening to burst over with warmth looking into Panam’s caramel eyes, seeing the very same intense emotions on display to him, which was a very rare sight. He reached out a hand of his own to caress her face, softly dragging his thumb over her supple bottom lip, earning him a love bite on the tip of his appendage. All of his feelings came crashing to the surface with the one small move; he couldn’t hold them back anymore. 

V opened his mouth to speak but was ever so rudely interrupted by a voice he did not want to hear when he was about to finally profess his feelings for his output.

“ _ Rise’n’shine, Aldecaldos! It’s 06:00, wheels up at 08:00! Get to it!”  _ Good ol’ Mitch yet again. He didn’t know how in the hell the veteran managed to sound so chipper and awake so fucking early in the day. V was convinced he would never adjust to waking up so early; he also has to remember that this was not the normal day-to-day for the clan and it would settle down eventually.

He sincerely hoped that was the case for him too. 

Panam sighing and going to move pulled him out of his thoughts, which were rapidly moving to an area of self-pity again once he started to think about his mortality again. He pushed the thought out of his head, instead choosing to focus back on his love. His confession would wait; he didn’t want to make her feel any pressure to stay in the tent longer. Now that the camp wake up call had happened, V could see a small amount of stress creep back into her posture as she steeled herself for another day as chieftess. 

“Leavin’ so soon?” V couldn’t help but still press his luck, trailing his fingers down her back as she moved toward her edge of the bed. She looked back at him briefly, offering him a small, but genuine smile. 

“Got a clan to run, silly. Can't stay in bed with you all day as much as I would like to,” Panam said wistfully. She moved to stand in front of the small mirror she had taken out of her bag the night before and started swirling her mass of dreads back into its tight bun, knowing V’s gaze remained on her the entire time. He couldn’t help it, especially when she was still gloriously naked before him. 

“Ah yes, how could I forget?” V joked, finally moving himself to get ready and pack up their tent. Panam only chuckled and rolled her eyes in response.

While he wasn’t as efficient as the rest of the nomads at packing up and moving camp, the more practice he got, the quicker he became. All he needed was to find the best pattern and most time effective way, which still needed some more time. 

The pair dressed and packed up their tent in good time, working well together in tandem like they usually did. Today, it felt like they were more in sync than usual; it was hard for V to describe. 

Distantly, Panam’s name could be heard from somewhere outside of the tent. Someone was looking for her.

“Go, go, I can finish this,” V insisted. The nomad shot him a look as if to say,  _ “I don’t wanna”. _

“But-“

“Ah! Tsk tsk, don’t look at me like that, puppy eyes. You won’t win this time.” Panam’s pleading look suddenly warped into mock hurt. 

“Ugh, screw you! You’re no fun!” She whined with a huff. Immediately after, she smiled and quickly kissed V before practically skipping out of their tent, “Be back before we leave!”

V only shook his head, affection bursting out of every orifice for his output, and he continued to pack.

By the time 08:00 had hit, any trace that the Aldecaldos had stopped and stayed in the location had been eradicated. Dozens of vehicles, large and small, were ready to roll and resume their trek to Tucson. If the weather didn’t do them dirty, they estimated that they would be able to reach the outskirts of the city by nightfall, meaning the clan could finally set up a more “permanent” camp after only staying in temporary setups.

V stood outside of Panam’s Thorton, casually shooting the shit with a group of younger ‘Caldos who were curious about his work as a mercenary. Naturally, they were enthralled with his stories as most folks weren't aware of just how dangerous the life of a solo was - especially one as hotheaded as V used to be. He really didn’t know how he was still alive at the ripe age of 27 with how reckless he used to act.

“Let’s get it going, everyone! Wheels up!” V waved goodbye to the group he was talking with as Panam announced their departure to the clan. He hopped swiftly into the passenger side of the truck with the chieftess getting into the driver’s seat moments later. She took a moment to get the car going, tune her radio to the Aldecaldo frequency, and calibrate the rest of the settings. V just watched her do her thing, knowing a look of adoration was probably clear on his face. 

Once she was finished and started to drive away at the head of the caravan, V reached his hand over and rested it on Panam’s thigh. He felt her relax slightly under his touch, and while she kept both hands on the wheel, she did adjust her leg ever so slightly so it would be easier for him to grip while she drove. 

As they traveled, he found himself drifting back to thinking about that damn memory from his dreams that night. Even after trying to meditate on it, V still felt it was just as much of an enigma as before. He couldn’t place how this would have been related to his father at all, but he also couldn’t ignore how off-putting the whole memory was. The more he lingered on it, the more it created a nasty feeling in his mouth. He had always been one to rely on his gut feelings… and this was not a good one.

* * *

Meanwhile, somewhere in Night City, an older woman with green and blue eyes peered through the two-way glass, examining the comatose body on the other side. Copious wires were attached to the body; multiple machines beeped incessantly that had varying functions. Voices spoke behind her as she stepped closer to the glass, trying to get a closer look at the figure.

It still baffled the woman that any of this was possible - that this person lying in a coma in the room parallel to her - was even alive despite everything. She supposed she had science to thank for that; after all, that was the only reason she was alive herself. That, and a copious amount of eddies. 

“M’am? We can’t stay here much longer. They cannot know we were ever here.”

The woman waved off the voices behind her, still focused solely ahead of her. He looked so pure… so innocent… nothing like the person she has heard about.

“M’am, we must-“

“I will go when I am ready. Don’t rush me,” she snapped, her tone dark. With a sigh, the woman turned on her heels and went to storm out of the room, but not without taking the shard she had made a copy of - the main reason she had even come in the first place. 

“Is the data all on here?” She questioned, looking at the two men who stood before her. They both nodded curtly. 

“Yes, m’am. Everything is on there regarding your so-”

“Do not utter another word, Jackson, unless you want to end up with your guts painting the insides of my car.” Her tone had moved from dark to cold in a matter of seconds. She took another look at the unconscious figure in the opposite room. 

“That thing in there is not my son.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, that was a doozy! I hope y'all liked what I came up with for this chapter; lay all of your opinions on me, good and bad! Lemme know y'all think and if you have any ideas/comments about where you think/see the story going. Your comments and kudos keep me and this story going! 
> 
> Serious question though: was this chapter too long or just right? Should I consider doing some shorter chapters instead of going for gusto?
> 
> Till next time!  
> -Mel


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